As a Yankee, I’ve changed my mind on “ma’am”

Hailing from the great state of Michigan, I wasn’t raised to say “ma’am” and “sir.”

Now, that’s not to say I didn’t have manners — far from it — it’s just that we were taught growing up “yes, please” and “no, thank you” were perfectly acceptable responses.

For example …

Mom: “Kasie, do you want milk with dinner?”

8-year-old me: “Yes.”

Mom, narrowing her eyes: “Yes, WHAT?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

If you swap out the “please” for “ma’am,” it’s basically the same thing and one could easily imagine any southern mom having a similar back and forth with her kids.

But I don’t live in Michigan anymore. And as odd as it seems to me, my boys, Ben and Sam, aren’t Yankees like their mom. My kids are Southerners — born and raised right here in Pickens County — and although I’ve never taught them to do so, they say “ma’am.”

Here’s the really weird part: I don’t hate it.

My mom sure did. What I think a lot of Southerner’s don’t understand is that to people up north, “ma’am” is a title of respect — but it’s for older people. (Think grandparents.)

The first time my mom got “ma’am-ed” at a grocery store was not a pretty sight. The poor kid bagging up her groceries asked if she needed help out to her car, which would have been fine had he not closed with the dreaded “ma’am.”

“Do I look like an old lady to you,” she snapped.

Trick question, kid. Don’t answer that …

My point is the grocery boy clearly didn’t mean any offence, he just didn’t know. I suspect he was raised somewhere south of the ‘ole Mason-Dixon, because I guarantee you no Michigan kid would have dared to “ma’am” my mom at that age. (I think she was around 35 or 40 at the time.)

But down here, it’s expected — and enforced.

I first noticed it over the winter break from school. Both of my boys attend elementary school here in Easley, Sam in K5, Ben a third grader. It’s worth noting this is a very new experience for them.

You see, over the years, between various health issues and then with the onset of COVID, the boys had attended school virtually. Bottom line, this was the first time they’ve (ever) been in a face-to-face public school setting. With classrooms and peers and a lunch room and recess — it’s all new.

And that’s when the “ma’ams” began.

“Hey, Sam, did you clean up your markers like I asked?”

”Yes, ma’am.”

“Ben, do you want apples with lunch?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I assume it’s something their teachers have implemented in the classroom and it’s just spilled over into life here at home. But in any case, I find myself totally cool with it. Even more so, I like it.

I have noticed it doesn’t seem to apply to my husband, to my knowledge he has yet to receive a “sir” from either of the boys. (Not that it bothers him.) But it makes me wonder — and maybe you guys can help me out with this — is “sir” just not as commonly used? Or is it maybe because they’ve learned this at school (and there are more women than men as elementary school educators) so it doesn’t come up as often?

I’m genuinely curious.

In any case, this is one Southern tradition I believe I’ll embrace wholeheartedly. Just don’t tell my Mom …